6 Tips for Navigating Religious Trauma & Sex
Takeaway: Let’s be real—religion and the idea of pleasurable sex don’t often go hand-in-hand. If you’ve experienced religious trauma and struggle with your sexuality or feelings of shame around sex, you’re not alone, and with some intentional work, you can start to heal from the purity culture BS and cultivate a more positive relationship with sex. Here’s how.
I'm Chelsea Newton, a mental health professional who wants everyone to experience sexual pleasure on their own terms.
For more than a decade in the field of mental health, I have seen the profound impacts of abuse in religious communities. I have also seen the healing process that unfolds when people are connected with the right help.
If you're struggling to trust (literally anyone), I get it. Experiences of religious trauma and spiritual abuse intertwine with personal identity and sense of self. This stuff goes really, really deep. That's why I love to help people better understand how to deal with religious trauma.
If you have been googling "religious trauma syndrome" or consuming far too many Tik Tok videos about sexual sin and eternal punishment, it's time to get real information from a licensed therapist. Sexual shame from religion is extremely common. I help people build healthy sexuality after a religious upbringing.
And no, you're not going to hell. Let's get into it.
First of all: what are some religious trauma symptoms?
Not all religious trauma is created equal. The impact of religious trauma on you may look very different for someone else, which is ok. It's most helpful to consider your own human experience and which things leave you with pervasive feelings of "ick" throughout your days and relationships (especially during sex).
Here are various symptoms of religious trauma that I commonly see in my sex therapy clients:
Hypervigilance (always on high alert)
Guilt, shame, or fear related to abortion history or fertility
Identity confusion, especially for women & LGBTQ+ folx
Sexual dysfunction (pain, lack of arousal, lack of libido)
Feelings of guilt for sexual expression or preferences
Compulsive perfectionism
Self-hatred, self doubt or low self-esteem (especially in the bedroom)
Body image distress or self consciousness (especially around breasts, genitals, or other sexualized body parts)
Guilt related to experienced sexual abuse/assault
Remember, everyone's experienced trauma is different. If you don't see your specific symptom(s) listed, keep reading, you might relate somewhere else.
How to overcome religious trauma & actually enjoy sex
Oof. This is hard work. First things first, have some compassion for yourself. You didn’t wake up one day and choose to internalize shame, fear, or strict rules about your body or sexuality. You were shaped, often lovingly and sometimes coercively, by the adults and religious organizations around you.
Most of us don’t get to opt in or out of the religious environments we grew up in. We’re simply brought along at a young age to church, youth group, purity retreats, or whatever religious traditions were present in our community. As kids, we don’t yet have the cognitive or emotional tools to say, “Hmm, this seems questionable.” Our worldview is formed before we even know we’re allowed to have one.
So if you struggle to enjoy sex (trouble initiating, trouble receiving, trouble staying present, or trouble believing you’re allowed to want any of it), please know that it’s not because you’re broken or prudish. You were taught messages that created sexual repression long before you had the language or independence to understand what was happening.
Religious traditions, especially those rooted in purity culture, are incredibly skilled at exerting control through shame, secrecy, and silence. Sexuality becomes the lever they pull to shape behavior, belonging, and obedience. When you grow up hearing things like "your desire is sinful" or "your worth is measured by purity," it makes sense that as an adult you feel fear, disconnect, guilt, or confusion around intimacy.
Here's the thing, religious trauma is not only about specific incidents or explicit harm.
Religious trauma also involves what you learned to believe about yourself.
Maybe you were taught that:
masturbation or touching your body makes you sinful.
your worth is connected to purity.
your desires are something to suppress rather than explore.
God is constantly watching, judging your erotic thoughts, or tallying up your body count.
the body is a temptation or a burden
None of these beliefs and messages magically disappear when you turn 18 or when you leave the church or even when you enter a relationship that feels safe. This stuff lives in the nervous system, in the gut, in the reflexive tightening of your body when anything remotely intimate happens (even when you want it to!), in the intrusive thoughts that interrupt what feels good, and in the difficulty trusting yourself. This stuff effects emotional health and for some people, the ongoing impact can mirror a mental disorder, even when the source is purely environmental and rooted in religious sexual trauma rather than biology.
Here's the part so many people are embarrassed to admit: even when you intellectually understand that the teachings were harmful, your body might still react as if they're true.
This is not a failure. This is conditioning. And conditioning can be rewritten through compassionate, trauma informed approaches that help you reconnect with safety, consent, pleasure, and choice.
Learning to enjoy sex after religious trauma is a process of reclaiming what was always yours.
It's not about becoming hypersexual or "making up for lost time." It's about gently peeling away the layers of confusion, fear, and obligation so that you can reconnect with the parts of you that have always been whole, always been deserving, and always been capable of pleasure.
Desire is not dangerous. Curiosity is not rebellion. Your body is not a liability. I want to help you discover that sex, when grounded in consent, communication, and choice, can be a source of connection, safety, joy, and even healing.
Most importantly, overcoming religious sexual conditioning requires patience. You may move forward and then notice yourself slip back into old beliefs. You may have grief for the years you lost or the pleasure you were denied. You may experience anger at the systems that shaped you. You may be scared to step into a new identity. All of that is normal. All of that is part of the work. And none of it disqualifies you from healing.
This journey isn’t about “fixing” yourself. It’s about returning to yourself. And you don’t have to do it alone. I've included six practical, compassionate strategies to help you untangle the roots of religious trauma and build a sex life that is yours. Let’s begin.
#1. Rebuild Safety in the Body First
How to do it: Start by noticing your breath and place your feet on the floor. The goal is to simply reconnect with your physical body in the present moment. Let yourself engage with simple comforts like a hot bath, cozy blankets, or chill music. Check in with your body once a day and name whether you feel safe, tense, or unsure.
Why it helps: Your body cannot access pleasure when it feels threatened or monitored. Religious trauma often trains the nervous system to stay tight or guarded during intimacy. Building safety creates the foundation for desire and connection.
Therapist tip: Go slow and celebrate micro-shifts. Even 1% more relaxation is meaningful progress! You got this.
#2. Separate Your Inner Voice From the Religious Voice
How to do it: When a shame though pops up, ask yourself "whose voice is this?" You may want to keep track by writing down a list of beliefs you were taught vs. beliefs you actually agree with. Practice replacing inherited rules with values rooted in your current spirituality and lived experience.
Why it helps: Ideas and religious messages can seem like your own thoughts. Externalizing those messages helps untangle religious trauma and sexuality. Once you see the difference between your voice and the voice of religious organizations, you gain freedom to create a sexual identity that fits your adult world.
Therapist tip: Do not fight or argue with the shame voice. Simply identify it, tell that bitch to sit down, and redirect your attention to what you believe today.
#3. Focus on Non Sexual Pleasure
How to do it : Wear your favorite article of clothing. Cook your favorite meal and savor each bite. Watch your #1 comfort show and let yourself enjoy it. Do literally anything that brings you pleasure and practice it often. Try naming three non sexual things that feel good to you everyday.
Why it helps: Your body needs to relearn that pleasure is allowed and safe. Non sexual pleasure is low stakes and helps reduce fear. These intentional moments build the pathway to experiencing sexual pleasure later.
Therapist tip: You have full permission to focus on sexual pleasure too, but if anything sexual is overwhelming, step back into non sexual pleasure. This is progress, not a setback. Rushing or forcing will only hurt you in the long run.
#4. Work to Redefine Consent, Autonomy, and Choice
How to do it: Practice saying yes, no, and “not right now” in everyday situations. Remind yourself that consent is always flexible and can change. Create a simple list of what feels safe, what feels like a maybe, and what feels like a hard no.
Why it helps: Many people raised in religious traditions learned compliance instead of true choice. Rebuilding autonomy helps you trust your own boundaries. Desire grows when you experience control in your body.
Therapist tip: Try this with your pets! It might sound weird, but I find that my clients can often say no or not now to their pets much more easily than humans. They want to go for a walk but it's freezing outside and you really don't want to, say no! Notice what it's like to practice making decisions based on what you want.
#5. Be Present for Intimacy
How to do it: Slow down any sexual moment and notice one sensation at a time. Focus on breath, temperature, touch, or pressure without judging it. When intrusive thoughts arise, name them and gently return to your body.
Why it helps: Mindfulness interrupts old purity-culture scripts that tell you sex is dangerous or shameful. Staying present reduces dissociation. This helps sexual experiences feel safer, more connected, and rooted in your present world.
Therapist tip: Every time you return to your physical body, consider it a small act of self compassion. You can ALWAYS stop and return at your own pace.
#6. Prioritize Building Supportive Community
How to do it: Seek out relationships where sexuality is respected rather than judged. Share your story with someone who can hold it without making you feel bad. Limit contact with people who reinforce the traumatic experiences you are trying to heal from.
Why it helps: Community has a huge impact on healing. Supportive relationships help undo the isolation created by religious sex messages. When you feel safe with others, your nervous system learns that your sexual self is welcome in the world rather than something to hide.
Therapist tip: Treat community building like dating. Explore different spaces until you find the people who support your sexuality, spirituality, and overall health. Think fitness classes, coffee shops, bookstores/libraries, or neighborhood meet ups.
FAQs about religious trauma and sex
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There are endless reasons why you're ashamed of your sexual desires. The reasons I most commonly see in religious sexual trauma counseling are not singular, they are complex.
Whatever is making you ashamed of your sexual desires is not a flaw, it's the result of trauma. It could be the persistent, overarching cultural messaging of Cis Heteronormativity or other specific religious teachings you've received. Healing involves an enormous amount of self compassion. Separating inherited beliefs from your authentic self take time. Be nice to yourself.
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The short answer is, it depends. Having sex can be a trauma response, but it's not always.
Sometimes, sexual behavior can be influenced by past religion trauma or other forms of trauma. Sex may used as a way to seek control, safety, validation, or connection when other coping strategies are out of reach. If you are struggling with out of control sexual behavior, I'd love to help you. Recognizing patterns, reflecting on your motivations, and working with a highly skilled professional can help you distinguish between acting out of habit and having sex that is actually aligned with your well being.
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Asexuality and having repressed sexual desires are not the same thing.
Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation where someone naturally experiences little or no sexual attraction. Repressed sexuality is different because it usually develops from spiritual abuse or other traumas. If you are curious about sex internally but avoid it because of negative ideas, you might be having sexual repression effects. Other signs of sexual repression are low self esteem and challenges talking about intimacy with your partner (or anyone). Working with a therapist who specializes in sexual identity can be a great way to explore your authentic sexual self safely.
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There’s no singular “best” form of therapy for religious trauma. The most important factor of any therapy is the relationship you build with your therapist. This is why I always offer a free vibe check before I begin work with anyone. It is really important that you feel comfortable around your therapist, especially when dealing with sensitive issues around intimacy.
In my practice, I use highly individualized approaches that blend trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy, somatic therapies, narrative therapy, and whatever else feels organic to your needs. The cool thing about working with a professional with more than ten years of experience is that you don't need to be overly caught up in the type of therapy, you can just experience it's benefits.
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The tips and strategies I've provided here helpful starting points, but they are not a replacement for professional help. Healing from religious trauma involves looking at deep, long-standing ways of thinking and being that impact your sexuality. Therapy offers a safe, guided space to explore patterns and uses evidence based approaches to help you feel better. You may want to consider therapy for religious trauma if you experience these signs or experiences:
Anxiety around sexual expression or desires
Difficulty enjoying or connecting with your body
Avoidance of intimacy or being scared of intimacy
Confusion about your sexual orientation, identity, or boundaries
Intrusive thoughts or distressing memories tied to religious sex teachings
Ongoing distress about your spirituality or conflict between faith and sexuality
Feeling stuck in patterns that interfere with your well being
Seeking professional support from a therapist is a major milestone in healing. You deserve to heal from past traumatic experiences and reclaim a sexual life and spiritual connection that feels safe, affirming, and authentic.
Final thoughts
Healing from religious trauma is challenging work, but it is also deeply possible. In this post, I covered how the religious teaching you learn as a kid almost always persist into adulthood (whether we like it or not). The ideas you were taught about sex, purity culture, women, how to experience pleasure, and so on may no longer be serving you. I offered six practical tips you can use to start addressing what's happening, but they aren't a substitute for professional help.
In my therapy practice, I specializing in guiding adults through this exact work. I combine trauma-informed talk therapy and sex positive guidance to help clients untangle long standing patterns, reclaim pleasure, and rebuild authentic sexual experiences. With more than ten years of experience, I understand how deeply these issues can impact a person's sense of self.
If you are ready to explore your own sexual healing in a safe, affirming space, I would love to support you. Together, we can make a plan that addresses your specific needs and radically changes your sex life. If you are a resident of Colorado, I offer virtual therapy services. If you are resident of the United States outside of Colorado, I offer virtual coaching services and would love to meet you!
