Sex Therapy Exercises
In this post, I’ll cover some simple sex therapy exercises you can do at home- no therapy required. I’ll cover sex therapy exercises for couples and how to increase intimacy in your relationships. I’ll also cover when to do sex therapy exercises at home vs. when to do sex therapy exercises with the support and guidance of a licensed sex therapist.
Whether you are single, dating, or in a long term relationship, there are sex therapy exercises that you can do at home to help you (and your partner(s)) live your best *sex* life. When people think of sex therapy exercises, they of course, think about the act of sex. However, the largest sexual organ is actually the brain. You will notice that many of the sex therapy exercises I recommend as a sex therapist, don’t involve any sex at all. Take a deep breath and let’s get into it.
Sex Therapy Exercises to Do at Home with your partner(s)
Sex therapy exercises can change your sex life. When looking at the list of sex therapy exercises to do at home, consider which one resonates with you the most and start there. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by these exercises, take a deep breath! If these sex therapy exercises feel far out of the realm of possibility for you, please reach out to a qualified sex therapist for support. I provide online sex therapy in Colorado, but sex therapists are everywhere. I have included resources for finding a sex therapist near you at the end of this post <3.
Sex therapy exercises you can do at home- no therapy required
Sex Therapy Exercise #1: Look in the mirror.
This is a sex therapy exercise for people with vulvas. Not sure what a vulva is? Keep reading…
For this sex therapy exercise you will need a private place and a mirror. Yes, I want you to literally look in a mirror. Get comfortable, find a private space where you can get intimate with yourself, and look at your vulva in the mirror. Don’t have a mirror? That’s fine, use your cell phone camera or a web cam to get a closer look.
Looking at your vulva in the mirror is a helpful sex therapy exercise you can do at home because it gets you acquainted (or reacquainted) with your anatomy. Every vulva is different. Knowing yours is critical to achieving your most pleasurable sex life.
Sex Therapy Exercise #2: Educate yourself.
Sooo many people seeking sex therapy are struggling with sex drive, or libido. However, our desire for sex is not actually a drive at all. That’s right, it’s not a drive. I repeat, IT IS NOT A DRIVE. As a licensed sex therapist, I recommend educating yourself as an incredibly valuable sex therapy exercise you can do at home. There are so many, like endless, amounts of myths and misinformation about sex and sexuality. A sex therapy exercise to do at home is to get accurate information about sex, sexuality, and what constitutes a sexual problem. Your research will, of course, depend on what you are struggling with or what you have concerns about. The list below is curated by me, a licensed sex therapist, and is a great sex therapy exercise to do at home with your partner.
#1: Read! Reading is an incredible sex therapy exercise that you can do at home. Some favorite books that I would recommend as a licensed sex therapist include Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon, and Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz.
#2: Use the internet (with caution). The internet is a great resource if you know where to look and what to avoid. Using the internet is a great sex therapy exercise to do at home because you can educate yourself about your anatomy, sexual pleasure, and the range of sexual interests or behavior. If you want to do a sex therapy exercise at home, checking out the following resources online could be a place to get started: Sexplanations on Youtube or Explained: “The Female Orgasm” on Netflix.
Sex Therapy Exercise #3: Explore what feels good to you.
One of the most foundational sex therapy exercises is learning how to listen to your body without rushing toward performance, orgasm, or “doing it right.” This practice is about curiosity, not outcome. While masturbation can be part of this process, it’s only one option among many ways to explore sensation, comfort, and pleasure.
#1: Create a Low-Pressure Environment
Set aside intentional time where there’s no expectation to climax or even feel aroused. This might mean dim lighting, comfortable temperature, and no distractions. Some people find that soft fabrics, weighted blankets, or calming music help signal safety to the nervous system before any touch begins.
#2: Explore Sensation Beyond Genitals
Begin by noticing how your body responds to different types of touch on non-sexual areas of the body like arms, thighs, chest, neck, or feet. Play around with light, firm, slow, or rhythmic touch and see what you like best! Tools like body oils, lotions, or a massage roller can help you tune into sensation without immediately activating sexual pressure. Remember, there is no pressure to make this sexual. Just relax and see what feels good to you.
#3: Genital and Clitoral Exploration (Optional, Not Required)
If and when it feels supportive, you might explore genital touch with the same curiosity-based mindset. This might look like noticing what kinds of pressure feel grounding, what areas feel neutral, or what sensations feel pleasant.
For some bodies, internal exploration can also be part of this process. Tools like P-spot massagers from Lelo offer a way to gently investigate internal sensations and can support self-discovery at home. I recommend these for people with prostates.
For people with vulvas, there are other tools that can enhance this exploration and journey. A soft, body-safe silicon vibrator, like this one from Dame, can be a helpful addition when you’re ready to explore different sensations and patterns.
Sex Therapy Exercises to do at Home with your Partner
Sex Therapy Exercises for Couples
Many people seeking sex therapy are struggling to communicate about sex in their relationship. As a sex therapist, I commonly hear couples talk about how challenging it is to communicate about sex in their relationships.
The most important sex therapy exercise for couples is communication.
Communicating about sex can be scary, difficult, or even embarrassing. Communication is a sex therapy exercise for couples that I cannot recommend highly enough. This sex therapy exercise is critical to improving your sex life, so give it a try!
Sex therapy exercise for couples #1: Communicate.
Communication is an essential sex therapy exercise for couples. Start by asking yourself, “when was the last time we talked about sex?” By this I mean, when is the last time you and your partner verbally communicated about sex (no mind reading stuff). If you have not talked about sex in weeks, months, or even years, bringing up the topic of sex in your relationship can be scary!
Find a time and space that can help make this easier. Bringing up sex while your partner is binging the last episode of their favorite Netflix show might not be the move. Find a time where you and your partner connect without distractions. Start the communication in a space that is private, so that others cannot hear or comment. Try beginning the conversation with a simple statement such as, “I’ve been thinking about sex lately. Can we talk about it?” or “I miss having sex, can we talk about it?” Talking about sex is not going to make things worse in the long term, I promise. Be brave, you’ve got this!
Sex therapy exercise for couples #2: Do something new together.
Doing something new together is a great sex therapy exercise for couples because it requires vulnerability. Being vulnerable in a relationship will increase your bond and strengthen intimacy. Not sure what to try? Here are some ideas that you and your partner(s) can try as part of your sex therapy exercise for couples:
Play a new game, personally I like Splendor.
Do something physical- yoga, hiking, swimming, dancing. Whatever sounds fun!
Volunteer together (awww!)
Learn a new language
Try a new recipe and cook together
Trying Sex Therapy Exercises for Couples
If trying sex therapy exercises as home with your partner is giving you anxiety, it’s ok.
Talking about sex can be scary, difficult, or downright embarrassing. My best advice to you when doing sex therapy exercises at home is to keep it light.
Have fun, laugh, and get creative. At the end of the day, you are doing sex therapy exercises to learn, grow, and have better sex!
When should we seek support from a Sex Therapist?
Get help from a sex therapist sooner than later. Clients commonly tell me that they feel relieved to talk about their sexual problems with someone. I often hear clients talk about how they wish they had not waited so long to talk about their problems with sex. If you feel like you have lost time or are losing time, please reach out for support from a licensed sex therapist.
If you try some of these sex therapy exercises to do at home with your partner (or solo) and are still feeling overwhelmed or anxious, you can benefit from the support of sex therapist.
If you try sex therapy exercises for couples and it leads to a big conflict or uncovers an engrained pattern, you can benefit from the support of sex therapist.
If you try sex therapy exercises to do at home and you just get the sense that it’s too much to handle alone, you can benefit from the support of a sex therapist.
A sex therapist can help you with sex therapy exercises to do at home with a partner, or solo.
Get Support for Sex and Intimacy
If you are considering trying some of the sex therapy exercises I’ve talked about in this post and feel overwhelmed, that’s ok. Sex therapy exercises can feel overwhelming, especially if you have specific questions and don’t know where to turn. If you have specific questions about sex therapy exercises or want general help related to sex. It is worth reaching out to a qualified sex therapist who can help you feel less overwhelmed and more satisfied in your sex life.
Don’t live in Colorado but still want support from a licensed sex therapist? Check out these resources to get started.
Looking for sex therapy exercises for sexual pain?
I partnered with Dr. Caroline Gamwell, DPT, a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist in Denver to address sexual pain in a guest blog post. You can find it here.
